Shit posting?
It's December 8th 2021, I had this overwhelming urge to journal my thoughts cause my mind was wandering and I wanted to clear my head. As I sat down to write I realised that I can't write cause I've never done that, I mean I do scribble things in my journal but that's not counted, is it? Anyways, I decided to start a blog page to write about whatever goes on in this chaotic head of mine(which sounds like a bad idea) Also, let's be honest no one is going to read this and even if someone miraculously finds it (that is if I get some courage to put it on my IG bio) and someone reads it, I don't really care(obviously I do). Great, now that I am writing my mind is blank.
I am constantly thinking and overthinking things. Like the other day, I saw a cobbler on the streets trying to meet ends and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept thinking about him to the point where I imagined myself on the streets, trying to meet ends cause my grades suck and I am not good at the one thing I am supposed to be doing. I am bad at school, and I have absolutely no interest in studying science. I took the subject and now I can't help. I have 6 months of high school and I can't wait to peacefully graduate from this shit-hole(no exaggeration). I keep thinking about what I could do post-school. I am not a very smart person, I have always been an average student and I hate doing math, still was stupid enough to take up science cause hehe--peer pressure and was afraid of the "what-ifs", now I really don't care, nothing could possibly be worse than this cause it is suffocating to do something you hate, you don't feel like getting out of your bed in the morning and the guilt of not working hard enough kills you a little every day. You watch your friends score good grades and think WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I STUDY? I don't have many talents either, well, none at all. I keep wondering how can one be so useless? Don't get me started on the purpose of life now. People around me tell me I overthink a lot and that I am a very negative person, which is by the way not true at all. I still have something very precious that keeps me going, hope. I have hope and a very imaginative mind. I am a person who usually loves self-loathing, especially around others cause I don't want to sound like I know that I am not who I portrait to be, also who doesn't love external validation? but now that I am being honest here, I am a hopeful person, not to go all Andy Dufresne on you guys but it's true.
Well, as for my introduction(not that anyone cares) I am 17, I call myself funny but people around me don't really agree with that, I have no other talent as mentioned above but I think I am good with people but for some reason, everyone in my school thinks I am unapproachable, maybe it's because of my resting bitch face but trust me when I say I am a fun person. I know no one is going to read this, no one really cares but I am still gonna do this, cause honestly? I want to find myself. Hopefully, I do. Also, blogging is fun, I guess I found another way to waste my time. Typical. I am probably going to regret this tomorrow morning cause I think I kinda overshared. Leaving this post here cause- I don't know, just go with it.
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